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  • Listening to: Ryan Adams
For anybody that stumbles upon this page and happens to read this, they may notice that I haven't posted to this journal for over a year.
Why?
Because I have my own blog and constantly update that.

My Blog
  • Listening to: Klaxons
  • Playing: Bass in my band!
So, after being away for... ooh about 16 months, I've decided to breathe new life into my deviantART page. I kinda stopped submitting as soon as my subscription ran out. I'm hoping to pay for another subscription in March. It's not that I can't afford it, it's just that as I've not been submitting I thought there was no point.

Most of my creative juices have been focused toward my band in the last year. Not only have I been writing music, recording and gigging, I've also been a bit of a Steven Spielberg and shooting videos for the band.

But now, I feel that I'm ready to start submitting to devART again.

Peace
Sent to me from a female friend...

..  . ..:. ..:.::.::::.::.::::.:.:..:...:... .. .   .

Men Are Just Happier People
Your last name stays put.
Your garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president. You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another petrol
station toilet because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well rendered burp is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day holiday requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes one colour for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
  • Listening to: Air - Moon Safari
  • Watching: Oh Brother, Where Art Thou
Every so often, all of us find ourselves having to deal with a difficult
person. Tact and diplomacy comes hard but it can be learned. Having a
sense of humour helps. Here's a few phrases you might find useful...


1. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.


2. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.


3. I don't know what your problem is, but I bet it's hard to pronounce.


4. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.


5. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.


6. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.


7. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.


8. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.


9. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.


10. No, my powers can only be used for good.


11. How about never? Is never good for you?


12. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.


13. You are beginning to sound reasonable... time to up my medication.


14. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.


15. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...


16. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.


17. At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.


18. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.


19. Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.
  • Listening to: Gorillaz - Dirty Harry
  • Reading: Nick Hornby - High Fidelity
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If you want to spread the happiness too, copy and paste the whole face into your journal - the codes are inserted automatically.

Have fun.
  • Listening to: Green Day
A husband walks into Victoria's Secret to purchase some sheer
lingerie for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range
from $250 to $500 in price, the more sheer, the higher the price.
He opts for the most sheer item, pays the $500 and takes the lingerie home.

He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on and
model it for him.

Upstairs, the wife thinks, "I have an idea. It's so sheer that it
might as well be nothing. I won't put it on, but I'll do the modeling
naked, return it tomorrow and keep the $500 refund for myself."

So she appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.

Her husband says, "Good Lord! You'd think that for $500, they'd at
least iron it!"






He never heard the shot.




The funeral's on Friday.
  • Listening to: The Zutons: Don't Ever Think Too Much
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down.
Finally, the guys' side of the story. (I must admit, it's
pretty good.)

We always hear "the rules" from the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our
rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON
PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to
think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost
every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving
it.
That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.See a
doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an
argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret
girls,don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and
one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other
one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how
you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how
to do it,just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say
during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and
neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default
settings.
Peach, for example,is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is
also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will
act like nothing's wrong.We know you are lying, but it is
just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to,
expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you
wear
is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are
prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun
formation,
or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know,I have to sleep
on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't
mind that? It's like camping.